If you have been keeping abreast of the news this week, you may have noticed that some of the oldest words in existence have been identified by scientists.
Apparently they have a model that can decipher which words will become extinct first, such as “Squeeze”, “Guts” and “Bad”. Rather than waiting for nature to take its course, these phrases could be binned TODAY…
- “Blue Sky Thinking” – One of the most popular, also one of the worst.
- “Be proactive not reactive” - Will make you sound bright in a sales meeting.
- “Think outside the box” - What the HELL does this mean?!
- “There is no ‘I’ in team” - Obviously!
- “Win-Win situation” - Seeing as you can’t win and lose simultaneously, why the need to say you’ll win twice?
- “Deliverables” - Like the incredibles, only better!
- “Pushing the envelope” - To attempt to extend the current limits of performance. To innovate, or go beyond commonly accepted boundaries.
- “We need to touchbase” – We need to speak.
- “Our concerns are your concerns” - Just pay the invoice
- “Brainstorming Session – Collectively, we don’t know what to do from here onwards.
- “Soft Launch” - No marketing budget left
- “I will make those figures visible to you shortly” – I will email you when I can be arsed
- “What are your agency credentials” – -Which of my competitors do you work with”
- “Core Competencies” - Corporate Waffle
- “Leveraging capital” – Borrowing money
- “Reducing headcount” – Firing staff
- “Industry leading technologies” – Unnecessary / Unused software applications
- “Consolidate market position” – Not hiring any more staff
- “Efficiency Drive” – Firing staff
- “Benchmarking” – Showing you how far behind your competitors you are
- “Quick Wins” -Firing Staff
- “Human resources” – Payroll
- “Reduce our carbon footprint” – Withdraw free parking for staff
- “Giving a 110%” - By definition, Impossible
- “Productivity gains” - Facebook is now blocked
- “Networking Event” – Afternoon off work.
- “That’s a No brainer” – I am best placed to decide on this, not you.
- “Rapidly gaining marketshare - We’re the cheapest
- “Uncapped commission” – There is no limit to the amount of money you can make our company.
- “Head Hunter” - Recruitment Consultant
- “Moving forward” - Which other way would you want to go?
- “Restructuring” - Firing staff
- “Business Development Director” - The highest paid / cockiest salesman
- “Joint Venture” - Not confident enough to invest on our own
- “Footfall” - Couldn’t buy online
- “Creative working environment” – We have an X BOX
- “Incentivise” - Bribe
- “Forward planning”- Who would plan backwards?
- “360 degree thinking” – Corporate Euphemism
- “Drill down” - Analyse
- “Team Player” – Sycophant
- “Heads up” - What is this about?
- “Procurement Review Process” – You will have to pay for tea bags from now on
- “Executive Remuneration Committee” – White collar cartel
- “Reduce Operating Costs” - Firing Staff
- “Keep me in the loop” – I don’t trust you to handle this on your own
- “By close of play today” – 5.30pm
- “I’ll fire that over to you now” - Send electronic mail
- “Value Added Services” - Additional costs
- “Putting all my ducks in a row” – Bizarre!
- “Action” – As in to “Action an email”
- “Rubber Stamp” - Approve and claim credit for.
- “Show Commitment to the cause” – Unpaid overtime
- “We speak your language” - English?
- “Knowledge Base” -Staff
- “Sales Projections” – Unachievable / Unrealistic / Unreliable Data
- “Looking at the bigger picture…” - We can’t afford this
- “24/7 Customer care” – Lines close at 5pm
- “Adhere to Best Practices”- Do it the same as everyone else
- “Explore new revenue opportunities” - Increase prices
- “Work smarter, not harder” -More work in a smaller timeframe
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